So I’ve reached a point in my life where I not only DON’T think drinking is cool or recreational, but I also realize what a plague it truly is to society. I personally let my own drinking get in the way of my success for a few years in my past but I’ve also let people with their own drinking problems manipulate me even up to this point in my life. I guess when you grow up seeing it as acceptable, you get a chance to see if you like it and if it’s for you or not, but you also get to see long term affects of people who have been abusing it for years.
I’ve told myself to only halfway listen to what the alcoholics I grew up around say, but I find myself NOT doing the same with people who I’m around now. If I can’t trust those drunks… why would I be able to trust these ones around me now? I’ve definitely played the fool a few times recently.
I know now that a person can only take responsibility for them-self. When I was a drinker… the only thing that could stop me, was me. I had to realize it was a problem and a poison and I had to want to stop.
Once I knew how bad it was fucking up my life & my relationships, I was done with it, it was easy to stop… I never really looked back. That was my personal epiphany. Just because I realized it, doesn’t mean I will be able to force the same opinion on someone else.
I’ve spent years in on & off again friendships with people who manipulated and deceived me to believe that they “cared” about me and “respected” me… When they don’t even care or respect their-self. When every “deep” conversation you’ve had with them turns out to just be their drunk blabber and the things they said, they can’t even remember, then you realize it has all been just one big joke on you.
I look at myself like…. are you stupid? How can you fall for someones lies so easily? How can I think things are different, when that person is still sedated & just trying to get close to you to fuck up your mind? They only tell you one side of stories to sway you to believe their side…. but then you realize that person is drunk and miserable and is just trying to get me to feel as bad as they do. Lots of broken promises, lots of fake forgiveness and plenty of bullshit being spit out with shots of liquor.
Believing a drunk is like believing a heroin addict. They always want to say… I’ll get sober if you do this, or that person does that…
If you can’t get sober for yourself… why the fuck would I believe you will do it for me?? One of the saddest things to me is that I will be friends with these people, make plans around and with them, and then not realize that the reason all the plans fail is not because of me…. but because the friendships and plans I’m making are not even real! Just a fantasy in my mind that I wish would happen… But will never happen… because just like a heroin addict, just like a cokehead, an alcoholic is not even “them” when their under the influence.. and everything that meant something to me in everyone of the friendships… is gone because they aren’t even fucking conscious during any of those conversations… everything those friendships were based on is false.. and every sober conversation is just them trying to wrap their mind around all the shit we said when they were fucked up, which is totally irrelevant to them, but was important to me.
When someone tells you something that affects your life directly.. and gets address while their “sober”… & they say “well was I wasted?”.. that’s when you realize absolutely nothing they have said has really meant jack shit. Time to let this relationship go… for good.
I just know now that I have to treat people who can’t give up drinking with the same distrust as someone who can’t get off of drugs. Don’t believe them & always look out for yourself.